I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
