Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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