my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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