this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
