Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
someone owes me an orgasm
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
