I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize