If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
