I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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