I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
