Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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