i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
