so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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