My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
