I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
