I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
