no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
