im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
