I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
