She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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