I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
