You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
