In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
