I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
