I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This is classic penis vs brain.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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