I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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