i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
