I puked a lego.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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