you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
