I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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