I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
