"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
