I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
