He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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