first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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