Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
