Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
