Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
