Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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