Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
