There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
