Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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