you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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