tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I want is dick and wine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
