I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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