i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
