I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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