I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
