And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
