now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
