life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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