How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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