I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize