she smelled like a LAN party
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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