just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
