I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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