I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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