I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
