I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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