My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
