Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
