When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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