Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
