my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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