it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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