thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
