I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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