How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
