just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize