I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
