well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Randomize
