Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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