i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize